Sometimes When We Touch
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: Two agents in love and a song on the radio


SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH  
  
By: Cindy  
Email: sg1phileshipper@skynet.be  
Disclaimer: Doggett and Reyes don't belong to me. They are property of 1013, FOX and CC (why the heck didn't you do something more with them?). No copyright fringe is intended and I'm making no money out of this. Yada yada....  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Sunshine Days & Release (Heck, let's just say season 9)  
Category: Songfic/ Fluff. Monica POV  
Keywords: Doggett/Reyes Romance  
Summary: I won't spill it out for you. Just go ahead and read it.   
Archive: XFMU and on any Doggett/Reyes friendly site is just fine. Drop me a note so I can pay a visit.  
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing Doggett/Reyes fic. I stopped writing x-files fic the day Mulder vanished. But while watching season nine, I found a new ship interest. Is it just I, or do we have heavy UST here? Nah, it's probably just my silly mind playing tricks on me... *g* Listening to the song while reading, is probably a good idea.  
Dedication: To Lucy, a Doggett/Reyes soul mate. Thanks for getting me hooked on those two and pointing out that cute scene in William. I would have missed it if not for you. Here you go, girl. Hope you'll enjoy.  
Feedback: Pretty please, let me know how I did. Positive and negative criticisms are welcome, but keep in mind that flames will burn my computer down. Hehehehehehe...  
  
FLUFF WARNING. IF YOU DON'T LIKE FLUFF, RUN AWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN. AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  
  
Sometimes when we touch - Dan Hill & Rique Franks  
  
You ask me if I love you   
And I choke on my reply  
I'd rather hurt you honestly  
Than mislead you with a lie  
And who am I to judge you  
On what you say or do  
I'm only just beginning  
To see the real you  
  
Sometimes when we touch  
The honesty's too much  
And I have to close my eyes  
And hide  
I wanna hold you till I die  
Till we both break down and cry  
I wanna hold you  
Till the fear in me subsides  
  
Romance and all its strategies  
Leaves me battling with me pride  
But through the insecurity  
Some tenderness survives  
I'm just another writer  
Still trapped within my truth  
A hesitant prizefighter  
Still trapped within my you  
  
Sometimes when we touch  
The honesty's too much  
And I have to close my eyes  
And hide  
I wanna hold you till I die  
Till we both break down and cry  
I wanna hold you  
Till the fear in me subsides  
  
At times I'd like to break you  
And drive you to your knees  
Oh girl  
At times I'd like to break through  
And hold you endlessly  
Hold me endlessly  
  
At times I understand you  
And I know how hard you try  
I've watched while love commands you  
And I've watched love pass you by  
  
At times I think we're drifters  
Still searching for a friend  
A brother or a sister  
But then the passion flares again  
  
Sometimes when we touch  
The honesty's too much  
And I have to close my eyes  
And hide  
I wanna hold you till I die  
Till we both break down and cry  
I wanna hold you  
Till the fear in me subsides  
  
Till we both break down and cry  
I wanna hold you  
Till the fear in me subsides  
  
SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH  
  
MONICA REYES' APARTMENT 11.17 pm  
  
I can still remember how warm his hand felt in mine. It was so natural for us to be holding hands, but to an outstander it may have looked like we were a couple of outgrown school kids. It was the next step in our relationship, which had been growing ever since I came back to work on the x-files with John. We've always been very close friends, maybe even a little more than that. But we never talked about it, not even after that little charade at the hospital. To me it felt natural and normal though, as if I had been holding his hand for ages. It's childish really, as it is also childish to be thinking about what holding John Doggett's hand did to me. He is my partner for heaven's sake, should I even be thinking that? And then it hit me like a brick in the face: I had it bad for John Doggett. Something teenagers would call puppy love, but I am past that age, aren't I? Guess you are never too old to relive your youth.  
  
Do I even want to consider the consequences of my feelings towards my partner? I shouldn't even be feeling like that. It's against bureau policy, heck it's against my policies too. When I joined the Bureau, I swore to myself that I would never in my life fall for my partner. It's not as if I haven't broken that resolution before. I think it must be after my broken relationship with Brad that I swore I would never let that happen to me again. But see where it got me? I'm in the same situation all over again. Except that John is so much more to me than Brad ever was and I don't want to jeopardise our friendship. So if someone could tell me how to get myself out of this mess, I'd be grateful forever.  
  
I'm walking up and down my apartment, probably wearing holes in my socks, but I don't really care right now. I want a solution for this problem and I want it know. Yeah, sure Monica, as if Tinkle Bell will suddenly appear and tell you what to do. I could always run away from this and never come back again... Very mature, Monica or I could ignore this and go on as if nothing is wrong with me. Not a good idea, as it'll come back crushing in your face, girl Then again, I could just face up to my feelings and tell John how I feel. It's probably the best solution, cause I can't live with this not knowing for much longer. I know I'll probably end up hurt, but it can't hurt more than it does now. Secretly, I hope that Doggett feels the same and that he won't turn me down. Because there a huge difference between feeling the same and acting upon your feelings. And I know for one, that John Doggett is not a man who's at ease with his feelings. I still consider taking the coward's way out and not tell him anything, but then I will never be at ease with my feelings again. As hard as it may be, I need to let him know. And I hope I won't lose his friendship in the process, but that's a chance I have to take.  
  
I crawl into bed and let the emotions of the past few days wash over me. I still can't get that holding hands feeling out of my head. Sure, I grabbed onto his hand, but he made the first move. Does that mean anything? I don't know and I'm not really sure. We came to some sort of closure when we caught Luke's killer. I held him in my arms at the beach that day, letting all his pain wash over him and sharing his tears. We haven't spoken of that ever since, but I have been acting differently ever since. And I wonder if he noticed the changes in me. I have been more open with him, closer than before. But then again, he is a man and he probably didn't notice we are closer now than we were before. I'll just close my eyes and try to sleep. I'll try to forget everything about John Doggett for the next few hours and return in my own little world. My world of fantasies. I used to love being in my own world as a kid, where everything was bright and sunny. Nothing could happen to you and all your dreams came true. I don't want all my dreams to come true, but I keep hoping for a little miracle that this one dream will come true.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I have been trying really hard to sleep, believe me, but I just can't. Images of John keep popping up in my head and I start to wonder if I didn't realize my feelings for him before today. Maybe I have, but I was a huge expert at hiding them. I have to stop telling me I only realized what I felt today, cause it isn't helping me to sleep. Okay, so when was it? When did I realize how I felt about John? It surely was before my accident. Audrey told me "your friend loves you very much". I never questioned the truth about that. I had nothing to hide. Not from her, not from him. But what if she was telling me the truth? Did John really love me that much? Of course he loves me, but I need to know if he is IN love with me. Big difference and not the same outcome. And then I gotta ask myself this: Do I love John, or am I in love with him? I never really stopped to ask myself that question. I am pretty sure I love him. I have loved him for a very very long time. But am I in love with him? I don't know... don't play games with yourself, girl. You know you have been in love with him for a very long time I guess I am, but I never thought about it. It was just.... natural. And when have I fell head over heels for my partner? That's a long story. And a boring story one, I don't even wanna tell myself. But I need to know, I need to find out if there was ever a moment in between that my feelings subsided. And if there was, maybe I can go back in denial again. I'm still not sure I should tell him. Call me a coward if you want, but this is a pretty big decision and I don't want to make it on my own. But whom else can I turn to but me?  
  
I realized I was in love with John when he asked me to give him a hand on the x-files. He needed an expert and I was it. Back in the office I was carrying a pile of papers, and clumsy as I am, I let them fall. John was immediately by my side and helped me pick them up. Our hands brushed by accident and I felt this shudder going through my body. I guess that right at that moment the love bug bit me. And that was more than a year ago. Or maybe I have been in love with him for much longer. Maybe I've been in denial for years. Who will tell what's true and what's not true? But I certainly wanna take my future in my own hands.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
FBI HEADQUARTERS, X-FILES OFFICE, 9.15 am  
  
I walk into our office, with my hands stuffed deep in my coat pockets. After this horrible sleepless night, I really don't want to face John right now. I feel like I could break down every minute. I'm worn, tired and on the verge of a breakdown. I open the door and I'm surprised to find the office empty. I enter, looking around for John, but he's not there. I hope nothing happened to him. On the other hand, I'm glad he's not here yet. It'll give me time to calm down and come to my sences. As I walk to my desk, I notice a huge bunch of red roses lying on my desk. I sigh deeply and take them in my hand. There is a card attached and I recognize John's handwriting. I sigh deeply, surprised of John's actions. I fiddle with the card, nervously fingering the handwriting on the front. I take a deep breath and open the card.  
  
Dear Monica,  
  
The truth lies within what the heart tells you.  
  
Love,   
John  
  
Did I read that correctly? Love, John? Since when does he sign something for me with that? Heck, since when does he buy me flowers and send me cards. But I could certainly get used to it. What it means is another matter. I have no clue and I'll have to ask him that in person. If he ever gets here. I hope he'll be here soon, cause this basement is very lonely without him. I don't like to be alone in here. Maybe a little music can take care of that. I'm so confused by John's gift that I forgot to turn the radio on. And that usually the first thing I do in the morning. I walk over to the other side of the room, and turn on the music. Soft music fills the room, and I feel myself relaxing at the soft tones coming out of the speakers. Then my eyes fall upon a box standing next to the radio. Again, my name neatly written on it in his very distinct handwriting. I open the little envelope and a very cute golden retriever pops out. I turn the card around and I'm surprised to find another message from John.  
  
Mon,  
  
Listen to the voice in your heart. It's trying to tell you something.  
  
Love always,   
John  
  
I open the box and I'm surprised to find chocolate hearts. Tears are shining in my eyes. John is really trying to tell me something and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Of course, I'm ready for it, but it's more like I never expected that from him. That sudden outburst of affection came as a total surprise. I couldn't be happier about it that is if I can find him. Probably hiding behind some cabinet scared of being rejected. Well, no need to be afraid of that. I have it in my own hands to either make him or break him. John is wearing his heart on his sleeve and so am I. I just want to hold him close to me and never let him go. There's a magical feeling in the air and I want to hold on to that feeling and never let it go. And more importantly, I want to share that feeling with John.   
  
I'm brought out of my reveries by the soft voice of the speaker on the radio.  
  
"The next song goes out to Monica. Monica, if you are listening, someone is trying to tell you something. Someone has been in love with you for a long time, but he never realized it until yesterday. So Monica, this is for you, with all his love. JD"  
  
A very familiar melody fills the room. Tears are streaming down my face; I can't hold it together anymore. I'm so happy about all this. I never saw John as the romantic guy who would dedicate a song on the radio. Heck, I never saw John as the chocolate and flower guy. Only proves I couldn't have been more wrong.   
  
~Sometimes when we touch  
~The honesty's too much  
~And I have to close my   
~And hide  
  
John, please don't hide for me now. I want to hold you in my arms and tell you how honest my feelings are. I don't care if he pops out of a carton cake, I just want to look into his eyes and tell him I feel the same.  
  
~At times I think we're drifters  
~Still searching for a friend  
~A brother or a sister  
~But then the passion flares again  
  
Yes, I thought of John as a brother for a long time. But that was just an act, cause I was too coward to admit it to myself. Maybe it was much easier not to be in love with him. But now everything is out in the open and I can't wait to be with him.   
  
~I wanna hold you  
~Till the fear in me subsides  
  
My eyes are wet from crying, as I hug my arms to my chest. I feel something tickly on my cheek and turn around only to look straight in the face of a huge brown teddy bear. I look behind that bear and stare in the baby blue eyes of my partner. He has an intense look on his face and stares at me. I take the bear from his hand and put it on the floor between us. I look back at him and walk straight into his outstretched arms. He puts his arms around me and I hug him tightly. He hugs me back and we stay like that for a while. Finally, I pull away and look at him.  
  
"I never knew, John. I never realized you felt the same." I stare at him again and he takes both my hands in his, before looking at our intertwined hands and looking back at me.  
"Holding your hand yesterday made me realize it, Monica. I suspected I felt more than a partner should feel for you, but I never had the guts to admit it. Not to you, heck, not even to myself." He looks a little embarrassed as the reality of his words hit him in the face. I can do nothing, but smile at him. He smiles back, before pulling me closer again.  
"I need to know, John. How? Where? When?" He takes hold of my hand and we sit down side by side on his desk. He tenderly brushes a lock of hair away from my face. My face is burning where he touched me.  
"So many questions, Monica, but I can't answer them all." He pauses before he starts talking again. "I don't know how it happened Monica, but all I know is that I fell head over heels for you. I guess I never realized it until yesterday, but I fell for you right in this office." I look up at him, the question written all over my face. He puts his hand on my cheek and tenderly kisses me on the mouth. I let out a deep sigh I had been holding and smile sweetly at him. If someone would walk in right now, we would be busted. But I don't really care at the moment.  
"How long have you felt like this, John?" I look up at him and put my hand on the base of his neck. "I need to know." He sighs and takes hold of my hand.  
"Remember when I asked you to come and help with your first x-files case?" I nod. "Well, you dropped a pile of papers and I helped you pick them up. Our hands brushed and I felt something going through me. I never realized what it meant until I held your hand yesterday." I smile and shake my head.  
"I can't believe this. I realized the exact same thing yesterday. What do you think it means?" I look up at him, only to stare into his beautiful blue eyes, lost for words. He puts both his hands on my cheeks and pulls me closer. His lips tenderly brush mine and I am lost for words. As he kisses me I realize how much he really loves me. And how much I really love him. He deepens the kiss, putting his entire heart into our first real kiss, before pulling away and smiling at me, tears in his eyes.  
"It must be faith, Monica."  
  
The End. 


End file.
